Dear Ex-Best Friend

Dear Ex-Best Friend, It’s been a while since we spoke last. Well, I suppose you can’t really call it that. We didn’t ‘speak’. It was more of a war with words. Spite and anger the fuel in the fire. Despite the bitter end I often think about the sweetness that came before. Laughter, memories and joy that are breakups mine now, instead of ours. Things that were once shared are now not. I’ve been through breakups, ones you held my hand through, but none compare to this loss. It’s similar. I mean, you delete the pictures on your phone, removed from all social media and left to wonder what could have been done to salvage. There was hurt, anger and a whole lot of tears that made forgiveness seem impossible. A burden when it came to sleeping and eating it was a pain I thought life had not equipped me to get through. Forgiveness happens daily for each one of us. Whether it’s small, large, active or unnoticeable. It happens. If we don’t, eventually it all turns to poison and our hearts grow cold. Sorry doesn’t need to kick-start the process, it just begins when we’re ready. It’s a solo journey. Once you begin to forgive the fog clears and the mind becomes a place that isn’t driven by negative emotion. I had someone close to me say ‘losing her could either be the worst or best thing to ever happen to you, you decide.’ That’s when it hit me. It’s all about perception. My thoughts tell me it’s the end of the world, but that’s atheythe were. Thoughts. I know they say if you love something let it go, but that often applies to something Nicholas Spark wrote. It doesn’t have to though. It’s not an instance of it will return or not. It’s just know that maybe this relationship in my life has fulfilled its purpose. It came into my life with a bang. Everything was happy, fun and energetic. But slowly the spark faded and burned out without anything there to reignite it. We grew apart because what we wanted from life was different. Goals and perception shifted over the years. Tension built until it led to an explosion. Not the spark we were hoping for. Now it’s as if we never met. Once the tears stopped the anxiety and stress did too. Life started providing me with victories which I had to celebrate alone or with new friends. My mother always told me that ‘everything happens for a reason.’ Growing up I’d roll my eyes, but now I implement the saying after every unfortunate event in life. The breakdown of this happened for the same reason our relationship began. Because life intended it to. It has much more in store for the both of us, just seperated. I respect you. I don’t think no less of you. I love you just the same. I want the best for you and I know you’d want that for me too. Well I like to think that for my sense of sanity. I’ll still keep the keyring you got me on my keys. I’ll still keep your presents from over the years in a box so I can open it when the pain has lessened. I’ll still use examples of our friendship when my children one day ask me what a good friend is because you were and still are. The inside jokes will make me smile and the TV shows we bonded over will spark fond memories. There might come a day we sit down over coffee and call it petty and there might be a day I walk down the aisle recalling the plans I had of you being there as my bridesmaid. Those are the could be’s. We can’t cling onto them but because it isn’t practical. Now it’s just well wishes and the hope that you’re doing well. ‘I wish you all the best’ the motto from it all. I hold the memories dear certain they shaped me to be who I am. Your unwavering support still means the world even if it’s limited in its delivery. Although I still hurt and I miss you, it’s the past and there’s no possible way to go back. Only forward. With a new sense of maturity on my journey, I’ve been taught the true meaning of forgiveness. The relationship fulfilled its purpose now it’s time to welcome new ones to do the same. With love always, Your Ex-Best Friend

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