• Anxiety

    Sandy Toes

    Sand between her toes. Each little grain holds purpose. A thousand small particles bound together to create something massive. This is where she goes to feel peace. Battered by the tide, carried by the wind and pushed down by kids when moduled into castles. The endurance sand had made her feel empowered. The smell of salt and crashing sound, the feel of the texture and taste of fresh air. The beach was her solitude. Seagulls siren call, begging for chips. The laughter of children trying to outrace waves. It fades to the distance. Life had been difficult for her lately. Bills piled up, the washing never seemed done. The assignments…

  • Anxiety

    Picture perfect

    Sixteen selfies. She has sixteen selfies to pick from. Her chin is angled differently in each picture. Strands of hair frame her face in different ways. The light appears brighter in some. The background is unique enough. She had found a nice bush in the garden with several purple flowers. It provided context that she wasn’t even aware of. The context which said effort. The context which displayed creativity and imagination. Either of which she didn’t recognise. Both of which she relied on others to recognised. She was playing the process of elimination. Which picture made her nose look bigger, which picture made her teeth look less white? What picture…

  • Anxiety

    Anxiety – Guest Post

    Anxiety is something that I’ve loved with for a fair few years. It was always heightened at University and school. The pressure of exams and getting amazing grades always saw me buckle. However looking back I can see how insignificant that amazing mark is. How little of a part it played in the grand scheme of things. The hustle didn’t need a high mark to be proven as dedication. Guest Post I wrote this guest post for ‘Living Behind Orange Walls‘ to try convey what a panic attack meant to me in these moments. Mostly how I got through them. Family, friends and support got me through. With graduation from…

  • Anxiety

    Meditation and Me

    I once thought that meditation was a waste of time. So if you do it’s totally normal. In school, the teachers would make the class meditate. I would just use it as an excuse to nap, I’d rest my head on the table and take off to dreamland. I now realise that paying attention might have benefited me. How we first met  I first came across the benefits of meditation like everything else. Youtube. I was watching lifestyle youtuber Rachelleea. It was her morning routine. I watch similar videos regularly but never make an effort to incorporate a routine into my morning. My morning remains to consist of random guesses each…

  • Anxiety

    Under Pressure

    Toss and turn. The two words that have described my sleep pattern for as long as I can remember. Children are terrified of the monster under the bed. I’m kept awake by unrealistic ‘what ifs’ and an overthinking brain. The beast becomes ferocious when out of irritation I open up Facebook, scrolling through social media. I add a toxin to my already fearful thoughts. ‘What if I fail?’ ‘I can’t afford that bill?’ ‘Why can’t I be more like her?’

  • Anxiety

    I’m in one of those moods

    Yesterday I was in one of those low energy, can’t be bothered to leave my bed moods. I’ve suffered anxiety for a number of years and these moods aren’t rare. I spent my day wondering around the house, changing my mind about each activity I encountered. I would start a movie on Netflix, then switch it off. I would cook a meal to consider myself to be not that hungry after all. This was my day. It was shrouded by indecisiveness and what I consider to be called basic ‘meh.’ This refers to simply not knowing how to describe how I feel. I’ve seen a lot of sleep deprivation from…